Such pain inside my heart bound in chains I can’t set free,
I twist and writhe against them; they cause my wrists to bleed;
I cannot get to food or water, my soul slowly starves,
My lips are cracked and parched, my skin black and charred.
The chains will sometimes loosen and seem about to give,
Excitement stirs within me at the sudden hope that I might live,
Quickly all my fears are gone, a new survival strength awakens,
Perhaps there really is a God and I have not been forsaken.
I tumble into unchartered pain, struggling all the more,
I know with one more tug, I’ll defeat the treacherous whore,
Whose bound me up so tight in darkness, for how long I cannot tell,
For the damnation all around me, I seem to know so well.
Then sadly the chains they tighten, they clench harder than ever before,
I cry in utter despair for I was so close to the door,
Believing I would leave this room of pain once and for all,
How morbidly mistaken, it was just a short, brief lull.
For can I ever break these chains, padlocked made of steel?
By mere hope? faith? devotion?, a certitude of will?
Apparently the answer is no, if the truth is really what I see,
The only answer, my only hope, is to find that rusted key.
I know that it is in here somewhere, rusted from age and disuse,
Created by fear and emptiness, years of pain and abuse,
But you see, the problem is, how can I search for the key,
when due to the years of darkness, my eyes can no longer see?
I simply grope in the darkness, cringing at the things my fingers find,
Sometimes it gets so bad that I suddenly change my mind,
Sorting through the grotesque things just isn’t worth the pain,
I think I’ll leave the key for lost, and remain within the chains.
-by Darlene Samuels
October 31, 1994