LoLo

LoLo

Just a wee little girl, toddling around outside,

I wandered through the yard with my Lolo by my side,

On feet not yet sure, I would fall down on my ass,

My brother was there to pick me up and save me from the grass.

Odd and strange though it may be, I was terrified of that green,

And when I’d fall, I’d scream and cry as if a ghost I’d seen,

But LoLo would come and take my hand, lifting me to my feet,

Big brother said, “Don’t cry sis”, his voice soft and sweet.

Years passed on, we’re now in school, often scary things would happen,

Big boys picked on Little Sis, her cheeks with tears would dampen,

Flaming anger when LoLo saw ChaCha upset and crying,

Soon there would be hell to pay as Big Brothers fists went flying.

Through the years and over time that wee little girl who is Me,

Has struggled with life, depression and pain that is all too clear to see,

As if still a toddler learning to walk still being my hardest task,

No matter where I walk in life, I end up back on my ass.

Falling down, then getting up, then falling down again,

Crying the same old story to those I call my friends,

Wondering where it is that I keep stepping wrong,

And when these years of nightmare will finally lead to song.

A hole has been dug so deep in my heart that my SELF has fallen in,

I know I need to crawl back out but I don’t know where to begin,

I yell for someone to help me, the sound coming from way down deep,

Big Brother says, “Don’t cry sis”, his voice soft and sweet.

A few months ago I wrote a letter to finally say goodbye,

A letter to make those I love understand my suicide,

But before the ink was dry and while I sat and weeped,

I heard my brothers voice, still, soft and sweet.

Always he is there for me, believing in me even when I do not,

Holding out his hand and sharing all that he has got,

Loving me unconditionally through all the years which have passed,

Still saying, “Don’t cry Sis.  I’ll save you from the grass”.

–Darlene Samuels

September 9th, 2004

I love you Bro.

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